South Park Proved Right About Scientology

As you know, there are some people, and one of them is a correspondent for The Village Voice who says, the basic belief system or the basic tenet of this church of Scientology is to rid the body of space alien parasites to clear oneself. Well, John, does that sound silly to you? I mean, it's unrecognizable to me. It all began 75 million years ago. Back then, there was a galactic federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil Lord Zemu. And they had elected a fellow by the name of Zemu. It could be spelled XEMU to the supreme ruler. These planets averaged 178 billion human beings per planet. 178 billion. There were 250 billion on this planet. The name of this planet was Teagyach, and this is known as the bomb place, and this is the evil place. This is the place where they all got smashed. And so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets and then had those aliens frozen. The trick was to hute somebody, disable somebody very often, a needle into a lung, and at the same time to hit him with frozen alcohol and glycol, which preparation is guaranteed to pick up a faton. All he had to do was pick him up and put him in a refrigerator and they had him, boy, because he tried to exteriorize from the body every West frozen. The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Zemu's galactic cruisers, which looked like DC-8s except with rocket engines. And they threw him into collection points, boxed him up in boxes, threw him into space planes, which are the exact copy of the space plane of that day. The cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii. And they took these people in boxes and so forth and they dumped them and then they set off hydrogen bombs on the top of each primary volcano. There it is on this particular planet. And when they blew up, it blew the fatons into the air and after the bomb, an electronic ribbon, which also was a type of standing wave, was erected over the area. The tremendous winds of the planet blew every faton there was straight in to those particular vacuum zones which had been created. These were brought down, packed up, and put in front of projection machines which with sound and color pictures first gave them the implant which you know as clearing cores. And then a whole track implanted which you know as OT2. After this, however, about the remainder of the 36 days, which is the bulk of them, is taken up with a 3D super colossal motion picture which has to do with God, the devil, space opera, etc. They go five pictures to five words. Xenu then released the alien souls which roamed the earth aimlessly in a fog of confusion. They hit those on for about 36 days and then the four bastards were let wander out. At the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they could grab onto. They attached themselves to all mankind which still to this day causes all our fears, our confusions, and our problems. Actually, no, I'll correct that. There's a small amount of people who talking about what they think Scientology is, they spread it on the internet and then other people read it and they think, oh, that must be what it is. Which is why I say people really should just come into the church and see for themselves, find out what it is, and then they can make their own decisions. Read a book by Oran Hubbard. You know, pick up a book like Scientology, Fundamentals of Thought. And you can see what Scientology is, what our beliefs are, and what we practice and why, and how people can use Scientology in their lives.