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LY DD © oF VEN? PROOF OF MIND OVER MATTER? Beenments conducted by a team at Princeton University are being hailed as the most con- vincing demonstration yet of psy- chokinesis (PK), the supposed ability of thought to affect inani- mate objects. Professor Robert Jahn and col- leagues at the Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research project have been perfecting a series of laboratory experiments which focus on electronic ran- dom-number generators that pro- duce an unpredictable sequence of ones and zeros. Subjects are asked to concen- trate on a display showing the output of the generators, and try to change the numbers it produces. Left to themselves, the devices will produce equal numbers of ones and zeros in the long run. Thus if PK exists, it should reveal itself in a bias away from chance expectation as subjects ‘will’ the output upwards or down- wards. Now, after 12 years of experiments involving more than 100 subjects in thou- sands of trials, Professor Jahn and his team believe they have the evidence that the electronic devices can be controlled by human thought. (Source: The Sunday Telegraph, London, 16 November 1997) no leads, they burn the forest, » killing everything in it including the rabbit. They make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out after just two hours, with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit". The Australian Prime Minister hears about this and decides to test Australia's own law enforcement agencies. He releases a white rabbit into the forest just outside Canberra. The Victoria Police goes in. They return 15 minutes later with a koala, a kangaroo and a tree fern, all shot to pieces. "They looked like dangerous rabbits; we had to act in self defence" is their explanation. The New South Wales Police goes in. Surveillance tapes later reveal top-ranking officers and rabbits dancing naked around a gum tree, stoned out of their brains. "F***ing, s**t, f**k up the stupid f**ker", is the only intelligible phrase picked up by the microphone. The Queensland Police goes in. Shortly afterwards, they come out driving a brand new Mercedes, scantily clad rabbits draped all over them. The Queensland Premier congratulates them on maintaining tradi- tional family values. The NCA (National Crime Authority) can't catch the rabbit, but promise that if they are given a budget increase they can recover $90 million from the rabbit in unpaid taxes and proceeds of crime. The Northern Territory, South Australia and Western Australia Police join forces and belt the crap out of every rabbit in the forest except the white one. They claim that it's the black ones that cause all the trouble, anyway. The AFP (Australian Federal Police) refuses to go. They examine the issues, particularly the cost, and decide that because of the low priority and cost to the organisation as a whole, the matter should be rejected and returned to the referring department for investigation. And ASIO (Australian Security and Intelligence Organisation) goes to the wrong forest. (Source: Sent via the Internet; origin unclear. We'd like to have more sugges - tions, so send them to our Australian head office. If they're good enough, we'll pub - lish them next issue. Ed.) lhe CIA, the FBI and the Los Angeles Police Department all have to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. So the President decides to give them a test. He releases a white rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all the plant and mineral witness- es. After three months of extensive inves- tigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with Sed (bo De / apis