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the trauma is said to have begun two weeks prior, when his grandmother saw smoke pouring from his trousers. A hole three centimetres square was burnt through two layers of clothing, the paper reported. Just 50 minutes after he was rushed to a hospital in the southern province of Hunan, Tong Tangjiang started smok- ing again. "In the two hours from 8am till 10am, Tang spontaneously ignited four times," the report said. His right hand, armpits and private parts were burnt, the newspaper said, quoting doctors who said the boy's body had a strong electric current run- ning through it. “Spontaneously combusting bodies have been reported before abroad, but this is the first discovery in China," the daily said. (Source: The Sydney Morning Herald, 2nd May 1990) apart from the voice recordings (which the Soviet Ministry spokesman dis- missed as geological ‘noise distortions’), was the appearance that same night of a fountainhead of luminous gas shooting up from the drill site, and out of the midst of this incandescent cloud pillar, a brilliant being with bat wings revealed itself with the words (in Russian): "I have conquered", embla- zoned against the dark Siberian sky. "The incident was absolutely unreal: the Soviets cried out in terror’, says Mr Nummedal. Later that night, he saw ambulance crews circulating in the community, A driver he knew told him that they had been told to sedate every- body with a medication known to erase short term memory. The Soviets use this drug in the treatment of shock vic- tims. Sincerely, Gary Wohlscheid" coming raid by sounding his car horn loudly, while driving up on the pave- ment outside, With the entire staff watching, he reached out to smash the shop window. As his hammer bounced hanmlessly off the toughened glass, he tried to reverse his car through it, but missed, crashed - over a waste-paper bin and was stuck fast when a passing evangelical mis- sionary, Mr Herbert Eaton, prevented a get-away by hurtling his bicycle through the car's windscreen. In one of the most exciting archaeo- logical finds of the century, a team of researchers in Tehran uncovered the skeleton of a dinosaur which had hith- erto only been found in North America. The ribs and vertebrae were carefully preserved and in 1930 a scientific mis- sion from Madrid flew out to conduct a thorough examination. Things got even more exciting when their final report announced that the reptile was, in fact, an abandoned hay- making machine which had been caught in a landslide. (Source: The Return of Heroic Failures, by Stephen Pile. Publ: Penguin Books UK 1989) SPONTANEOUS HUMAN COMBUSTION? Chinese doctors have reported a new medical mystery - a young boy whose body can ignite spontaneously in the most sensitive of places burning through clothing. The China Youth News reports that With a thoughtfulness that is rare nowadays, Paul Lassis alerted the staff of a Bristol jewellery shop to his forth- | TOILET EUPHEMISMS "NUMBER ONE’ "NumBER TWO! ‘NUMBER THREE’ Oo 56*NEXUS IT MAKES YOU WONDER ... THE LEAST SUCCESSFUL JEWELLERY RAID AUGUST-SEPTEMBER 1992