Nexus - 0107 - New Times Magazine-pages

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How IT GOT Iu & Next Temptation of Brian It was a dark and stormy night ... the 13th of October ‘88 ... there I was, prowling Yeti 4 Yeren, Death b y the wilds of George Street, Sydney, when suddenly | Sasquatch ; Democra cy heard an eldritch chant ring out behind me.... Yowi e “Oh, I'm a lumberjack and Holy Tyranny of the majority! I'm okay, | sleep all night and Robin, well-known ward of I work all day, | chop down : -,., the Caped Crusader, has trees, | skip and jump, | like to 4 Chinese sciences on been voted ou of nan patwdiomntoden’” Date Shrouded hair found in central and exijepce. women's clothing and hang uthern China in the last four Comic artists and writers around In bars... 9 led that the blew up Batman's offsider in Spinning In my tracks! be- So you thought you wouldn't ee bg we Li daliotid to an October Batman comic; held a group of bizarre ftig- hear anything else about the pe ce sail een the Joker, disguised as an ures marching south: a Ro- Shroud of Turin, that notorious ceestlate iat the halr may Iranian ambassador to the man centurion, a horned relic showing the reverse have come from a Chinese UN, finally split up the dy- Knight, an English business- Image of a brutalised ‘big toot’, known as yeren. namic duo by blowing Robin man, two Gumbies and the bearded man. (see Twilite Zone No. 5). to smithereens. Grim Reaper! Fianked by as- Three separate laborato- This follows last year’s Robin was killed off by a sorted welrdos, these crea- tles independently tested the sighting by Russian research- teadership vote of 5,343 to tures were marching with de- — Shroud using Carbon-14 ers who reported coming 5,271 because he was a termination towards the dating methods and pro- within 35 yards of a Yeti “twerp” and a “vindictive, Greater Union theatre, where —_ nounced It a forgery last which made several night vengeful litfle brat,” a they were awalted by hun- October, placing its age at visits to their Central Asian spokesperson for DC comics dreds of hymn-singing, Bible- somewhere between 1260 camp. _announced. waving cultists, punk rockers, and 1390 AD. Professor Grover Krantz,an = hippies, news reporters and But now an American archaeologist from Washing- police. Quickly poking my archaeologist has revealed ton State University, is third eye into a nearby lump that earlier secret tests In planning to hunt a Sasquatch of akasha, I used my inner 1982 gave different results in the Pacific Northwest. Hav- vision to ascertain the and that preparations for ing conducted field trips and Ultimate Truth. dating the Shroud were researched Sasquatch for 20 These people were all Incorrectly handled. years, he intends to look fora j here to celebrate or oppose William Meacham of the decomposing body left over = - 5 the opening of Martin University of Hong Kong was trom last winter. eo BIRTH Scorsese's film, The Last one of 22 experts who took Prof. Krantz said he would Temptation of Chiist. The self- part In a 1986 conference the only kill one as a last resort, A 15 year old London virgin styled “Christlans” led by the Vatican organised for dating hoping to establish proof for fromm Lesotho, South Africa Rev Fred Nile were ina the relic. the existence of these beings has given birth to a baby frothing rage because the “The lab work was very to protect them trom extine- boy. The girl was told she movie dared to depict thelr sophisticated, but the tlon. would never have a baby Idol as a divine human being, planning and sampling Peter Mathiessen reported because she had no vagina, while the Sydney (Monty) methodology was very in the Spirit of Crazy Horse but something unusual Python Appreciation Move- shabby,” he said. that traditional native happened. After having oral ment were in a trothing rage “The samples were taken American communities sex with a new boyfriend she because the movie falled fo from a repaired corner which “know of a messenger who was stabbed in the stomach acknowledge Brian as the had been... scorched in a fire appears in evil times as a by a jealous ex-lover. True Messiah. The police were In 1532. The C-14 date may warming from The Creator that Doctors believe the spenn there because they liked reflect the influence of the man's disrespect for his she swallowed somehow minding other people's bus!- 1532 fire rather than the sacred instructions has upset reached her womb while she ness. actual age of the linen.” He the harmony and balance of Was treated for the wound. A heavy hired security said that these portions of the existence... Nine months later she gave presence ensured that Shroud had been subjected “He has strong powers and _ birth after being admitted to patrons were able to see thls '0 at least 300°C and that sometimes takes the form of hospital with stomach pains. extraordinary film, the Chris- samples should have been a huge, hairy man.” “Sperm must have been tian religious statement of the taken from other sections. These hairy people are re- _‘ flushed out of the stomach, decade. The two secret tests were ferred to in legends of native up the fallopian tubes into the Transcending the mun- conducted with identical peoples all over the world, in- | womb,” a doctor said. dane physical reality,| made techniques on two halves of cluding Australia's Yowie. “The baby resembles his my way back to Nirvana, a thread removed in 1973. TASS, AP, Shaman's Drum _ tather which excludes an vowing that I would visit this One half dated at 200 AD = even more miraculous fascinating dimension again, nd the other at 1,000 AD, Mr conception,” reported the - Guru Swami Lama Sri Meacham said. British Journal of Obstetrics Buddha Rama Bananananda - Agence France Presse acts Death by Sasquatch, Democracy Yowie Chinese scientific tests on strands of human-like, coarse hair found in central and southern China in the last four years revealed that the specimens do not belong to any known animal. Scientists speculate that the hair may have come from a Chinese ‘big foot’, known as yeren. (see Twilite Zone No. 5). This follows last year’s sighting by Russian research- ers who reported coming within 35 yards of a Yeti, which made several night visits to their Central Asian FIoT. Krantz saia ne woula ADU Epe ESTO WE Wet TOT. ELI DNA PM ee Pee EC VIeICe Ie only kill one as a last resort, A 15 year old London virgin styled “Christlans” led by the — Vatican organised for dating hoping to establish proof for fromm Lesotho, South Africa Rev Fred Nile were ina the relic. the existence of these beings has given birth to a baby frothing rage because the “The lab work was very to protect them from extinc- boy. The girl was told she movie dared to depict thelr Sophisticated, but the tlon. would never have a baby Idol as a divine human being, planning and sampling Peter Mathiessen reported because she had no vagina, while the Sydney (Monty) methodology was very in the Spirit of Crazy Horse but something unusual Python Appreciation Move- shabby,” he said. that traditional native happened. After having oral ment were In a frothing rage “The samples were taken American communities sex with a new boyfriend she because the movie falled fo from a repaired corner which “know of a messenger who was stabbed in the stomach acknowledge Brian as the had been... scorched in a fire appears in evil times as a by a jealous ex-lover. True Messiah. The police were In 1532. The C-14 date may warming from The Creator that Doctors believe the sperm there because they liked reflect the influence of the man's disrespect for his she swallowed somehow minding other people's busi- 1532 fire rather than the sacred instructions has upset reached her womb while she ness. actual age of the linen.” He the harmony and balance of Was treated for the wound. A heavy hired security said that these portions of the existence... Nine months later she gave presence ensured that Shroud had been subjected “He has strong powers and _ birth after being admitted to patrons were able to see thls '0 at least 300°C and that sometimes takes the form of hospital with stomach pains. extraordinary film, the Chris- samples should have been a huge, hairy man.” “Sperm must have been tian religious statement of the taken from other sections. These hairy people are re- _‘ flushed out of the stomach, decade. The two secret tests were ferred to in legends of native up the fallopian tubes into the Transcending the mun- conducted with identical peoples all over the world, in- | womb,” a doctor said. dane physical reality,I made techniques on two halves of cluding Australia's Yowie. “The baby resembles his my way back to Nirvana, a thread removed in 1973. TASS, AP, Shaman’'s Drum _ tather which excludes an vowing that I would visit this One half dated at 200 AD even more miraculous fascinating dimension again, nd the other at 1,000 AD, Mr conception,” reported the - Guru Swami Lama Sri Meacham said. British Journal of Obstetrics Buddha Rama Bananananda - Agence France Presse and Gynaecology. NEXUS New Times Seven -S er 1989 SAIDITTIVG... Pn Cire meee wre gee pivesies cHeureu IU Aa ee a “He has strong powers and _ birth after being admitted to patrons were able to see this fo at least 300°C and that sometimes takes the form of hospital with stomach pains. extraordinary film, the Chris- samples should have been a huge, hairy man.” “Sperm must have been tian religious statement of the taken from other sections. These hairy people are re- _‘ flushed out of the stomach, decade. The two secret tests were ferred to in legends of native up the fallopian tubes into the Transcending the mun- conducted with identical peoples all over the world, in- | womb,” a doctor said. dane physical reality, made techniques on two halves of cluding Australia's Yowie. “The baby resembles his my way back to Nirvana, a thread removed in 1973. TASS, AP, Shaman’s Drum _ tather which excludes an vowing that I would visit this One half dated at 200 AD = even more miraculous fascinating dimension again, nd the other at 1,000 AD, Mr conception,” reported the - Guru Swami Lama Sri Meacham said. British Journal of Obstetrics Buddha Rama Bananananda - Agence France Presse and Gynaecology. NEXUS New Times Seven - Summer 1989 Yeti, Yeren, Date Shrouded