/Nexus - 0104 - New Times Magazine/pages/0040/image.png)
Page Content (OCR)
News Graveyard
Video Nasties | News for Bears | Uri Psychs Yuli
An American video company | ACessna 170 carrying 227 kgof | The US has been employing Url
has brought out the ultimate | moose meatwaswrecked bya | Geller as a psychic weapon al
product for those seeking “the | grizzly bear trying to get to Ils | the Geneva arms talks, sup-
full, rich experience of parent- | dinner. The plane, which was | posedily beaming “peace
hood without Ihe mess and | parked on a sandbar In the | messages” Into the heads of
inconvenience of the real | Innoko River In Alaska, had Its | the Soviet negotiators,
thing’, For $US19.95 you can | fuselage bent and pilot Ed Gur- Affer he was introduced to
have Video Baby, 13 minutes of | ter, was forced to flee by boal. | chief Soviet negotiator Mr Yull
flawless, blue-eyed little girl | When Mr Gurtler returned the | Vorontsov, Geller immediately
with pertectly-shaped fingers, | ext moming, the moose meal | began to “transmit to him very
toes and smile. The soothing | had been reduced to 90 kg. beautiful peace thoughts”.
voice of the narrator invitesyou | &d Gurtler would have done Geller’s meeting in Geneva
to “Call your Video Baby by | Well fo read the book Bear Af | was arranged the previous
name now. You'll know imme- | facks: Their Cause and Avoid- | week when he briefed an
diately if you've chosen a | ance, written recently by two | extraordinary session of top
name your baby likes.” Alaskan scientists. The best | senators, congressmen and
Peter Wild, chairman of | defence ls to make loud nolses | the CIA. The meeting was or-
Creative Programming Inc, | 99d fight back. Under no cir- | ganized by Senator Claiborne
which developed the video, | cumstances should you lie on | Pell who is Interested In Soviet
sald, “This Is tallor-made for |'!he ground and play dead. | psychic research. Geller was
ies. Thisis enjoyment with- | Bears killed only 20 people In | introduced to Senator Pell In
He sable . Alaska belween 1900 and | 1986 by Princess Michael of Dwarves IN SPACE
The video company has re- | 1985. Kent. Scleniists trying to genetically
leased similar products such as Reuters Meanwhile, Avram Shiftin, | engineer human mutants for
Video Fireplace, Video Tropl- | However, the book |s not yet former KGB tmformer and the | their space programs have
cal Fish Tank, Video Dog and | available In Siberia where it is | Only Israeli to testify In defence | been saved the trouble by Larry
two versions of Video Cat. | most needed. Hungry bears | of John Demjanjuk, an alleged | Krimke of Cleveland, Ohio.
Owners have to name Video | are killing and mauling people Nazi war criminal, told the trial | Larry, a 3it 8in dwarf, has been
Dog themselves, but the | in Soviet settlements because | !hat the Soviet Union has a top | conducting his own one-man
owner's manual provides some | they have been unable to gain | secret department of parapsy- | astronaut training course at his
suggestions. enough fat to hibernate. chology designed to Influence | home for three years
: Ep cae the minds ot American officials Larry, 23, spends several
by using talismans. hours each week being
-Briti: tas 6 tumbled around inside his
GREENING MALAYSIA Betisk Suuedey Times © ottess | ee estic cioltien dryer to simu-
Datuk Rahman, a member of late a spacecraft environment.
the Malaysian Parliament, has He explains, “Eventually I'll be
come up with a simple way for COMRADE $0 good they'll have fo take
Malaysian farmers to cut graz- me. They already use monkeys
ing costs. To overcome a cow's 5 the same size as me - and I'm
choosiness over the quality of » % more Intelligen! han any mon-
the grassit will eat, Rahman has M key.”
suggested that all cows In Ma- . é 4“
laysia be made to wear green- se : . 7
coloured glasses. In this way, f, If He 8 So Smart...
he told Parliament, even dying — Ss : Mathematician Amold Sayor of
brown grass would look fresh Tampa, Florida, is seeking a lo-
and gteen, and the cow would botomy so he can halve his IQ.
eat i! without reservation. Arnold, with an IQ of at least 230,
said, “Intelligence is too great a
TRUST Us cross for me to bear. All my intel-
VidISO Nasti©s 2 | most ot us think t's socially | I