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The Maze - Eighteen Seeing himself through the stranger’s eyes, Ted felt ashamed of his actions and the weakness behind them. Abashed, he climbed back over the railing to safety and went inside. He mixed a strong drink, ignoring the warnings against taking alcohol and sedatives together, and carried the drink back out on the balcony. Glass in hand, Ted waved to the stranger, who was still watching intently from across the way, and the man waved back. They smiled at each other, and the moment of despair passed. Ted had a second strong drink and finally fell asleep for the first time in three days. When he awoke the next morning, however, he could still feel the disorienting effects of the medicine and alcohol. “Dear God,” he thought shakily, “I could have died last night! First the stunt on the balcony, and then the liquor and pills.” Tf he could fall apart that badly in such a short time, Ted realized, he was not ready to be out of the hospital. The brink of self-destruction had been frighteningly close, and he didn’t trust himself to wait for the extended weekend pass to expire. Too nervous to drive, he called his cousin. “Catherine,” he said, “can I ask a favor? I need you to take me somewhere. I’m not in good enough shape to do it myself.” She arrived half an hour later, full of questions that he evaded, and drove him back to Northside. Although it was a day earlier than he was scheduled to return, Ted checked back into the facility. Catherine stayed to visit briefly, but Ted was eager for her to leave. All he wanted was his wonderful bed and the security of his crowded surroundings. He slept again, deeply, well into the next day. On Monday when the doctor made rounds, Ted told him about the weekend. “IT went through hell,” he said. “I was so upset that it finally reached a point where I didn’t think I could go on living.” “What exactly was it that upset you?” the doctor asked. “That’s just it,” Ted shrugged, “I can’t put my finger on any one thing. I was okay until bedtime, and the darker it got Masquerade of Angels 174 The Maze - Eighteen the worse I felt.” Neither of them understood why being alone at night there had pushed Ted to the brink of suicide. It had been impossible to relax and sleep in the apartment, but it was no problem at all once Ted was back in the psych unit, and that wasn’t consistent. He let himself wonder briefly if his worry had anything to do with the memory of the fog-filled night. But it had occurred so long before that Ted didn’t think it could be causing stress now, especially since it had never happened again. Besides, how could just a nightmare, or encounter with a spirit guide, bother him so deeply? At his doctor’s suggestion, Ted agreed to stay in the hos- pital another week, and during this time he became very involved in the group therapy sessions. He gained much strength from the assertiveness-training program, and his general state of mind greatly improved. Even his psychic ability functioned in a positive way as Ted interacted with other patients. One of them was a mid- dle-aged woman whose teenaged daughter had found with her head stuck in the oven, unconscious from gas fumes. It took several days for her to recover physically, and then she had been brought into the sessions. Ted noticed how withdrawn she was during meetings. No matter what anyone else said, she kept silent, away from the group, sitting alone and crying. She refused to tell the others anything about her- self or her problems or why she had wanted to die. Watching her one day, Ted had a psychic insight. He saw a clear vision of a time, months before, in which this woman had been raped during a break-in at her home. And he saw that she had never told anyone about this, not her family, the doctor, or the police. From this, he understood why the woman felt so withdrawn and how complex her emotions had become as she hid her own trauma for fear of her fami- ly’s reactions. Ted hesitated to reveal this information, but thereafter, during the therapy sessions, he tried to lead the discussion around to such events, hoping the woman would respond. It didn’t work. The woman refused to take the bait, and she was not getting any better. Ted finally realized he had no Masquerade of Angels 175