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WITH I WAS NOT AWARE that these sessions had so deeply disturbed Phil until the next meeting a few weeks later. He wanted to elaborate on what had been going through his mind, so I turned on the tape recorder. I think his report of the confusing emotions that mani- fested after the revival of these abduction memories will be helpful to other investigators who are trying to understand this unusual eal we wee phenomena. P: Ihave to tell you. These sessions ... working in this area has bothered me. If Ifelt Icouldjust walk away from it, Iwould. It's disturbing. I don't want you to be upset about it or feel nervous for my sake, but sometimes in the days after we've worked a feel- ing of dread comes over me for some reason. Nota panic, but I feel totally ill at ease. For a while I was questioning my sanity. It felt like I had lost touch with reality. TV mann Abbae that fend anninn D: You mean after that first sssion? P: After the first andsecond sessions. Especially after the second one. The second one? Thefirstone wasfrightening but | didn't thinkwe had touched on anything that was scary in the second one. I don't know. [have theorized what it could be. And the way I see itis that there are several things at work here. One is the fact that when these events originally take place, it's very frightening. And those feelings have to be subdued or calmed. It's a way for them to be released, after the fact, down the road. : But did you feel good whenever they were released? No. Ifelt horrible. In fact, like I said, I would be depressed and 249 CHAPTER 22 LOSING TOUCH REALITY