Page Content (OCR)
P: Idon't know ifI do or not I don't remember today. D: Ofcourse, that happened 10 years ago. But except for that strange dream, you didn't rememberany of this. P: No. Idonow. Itfeels vaguely familiar. It feels like a memory now instead of a new experience. D: That'sthe best way to treatit, asa memory, so it won't botheryou. Well, I don't know if you had any more experiences like that or if that,or orwas the neh. D: At onepointyouwere angry. Itseemed like itwas becauseyouknew what they weregoingto do. P: Well, I did know. D: How didyou know? P: Idon't know. Ijust knew. I guess I was angry because I didn't want my little reality changed. It had taken me, what, 21 years to figure out what reality I had, and here it was going to be all changed. And I didn't want that. D: Thatwas wherethe angerwas comingfrom. P: Yeah, I didn't want to change my reality. D: Butsomehow you knew they were going to dosomething. P: Iguess Iknew. I don't know if I knew before orif... maybe they were telling me in my mind. But intuitively I knewwhat was going on. Ialmost got the feeling, "Not now, it's too soon. I don't want to do this now." Itwas almost like somehow I knew at some level that it was going to happen, but I didn't feel Iwas ready. Iwas angry because my reality was set. I'd figured out pretty much what I thought life was, and I didn't want to change it.-I remem- ber another part after the praying mantis, after the operation or whatever. I went up to the control room. It was like they were saying, "Well, the work is over. Now you can enjoy yourself for a little while." And I wasn't sure if maybe even the whole damn ship wasn't alive. There was no distinction between machines and living people. I had lost that reality somehow, and I couldn't perceive the difference. How can there bea live machine? And then Iwas thinking, "Hell, maybe the whole ship is alive." And it made me nervous. Iwas getting scared. I thought maybe the thing... the ship knew I was standing on it. Maybe it knew I was standing on it. D: I cansee whatyou mean. Thatwould be very creepy. 228 The Keepers ofthe Garden