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conversations, as if he were an old friend. But I kept this part a secret because I could have been thought of as crazy. I found a religious community of fathers to which I devoted six years of my life, as a student and pastor (seminarist), and I spent marvellous moments of discovery and formation within this n YT 1 c 1 rear community. But I soon became conscious of something which I found superficial. There was something which did not seem to satisfy c 1 my most profound aspirations. I enjoyed praying (I still enjoy praying) as the contact with my creators, my source of infinity. I was thought to be mystical by many people, but I saw the father of Jesus as being human just like Jesus when he said ‘my father who art in Heaven...’ My thought of there being more than one creator was then true. Furthermore, I had researched The Bible and had come to the conclusion that Jesus was not God, and I was impassioned by an aspect of theology, “the theologians of the death of God” or “theology of the death of God”. In some way I was an atheist, but I was afraid of admitting this truth. I detected in these schools of theological thinking another form of cr mystification. I could not find complete satisfaction to my numerous questions, interrogations on Man and his faith, on man in his religious and social involvement, in this Church that I found to be out of phase, ce. even false, at times. Nevertheless, I worked in the midst of the “Church” said to be of Christ, in the numerous movements which it includes, all the while specializing in religious science (religiology) to search even deeper. My studies impelled me to work within my environment, to question it as well as shake it. I still felt misunderstood. This research, which took me three more years, led me to a sort of emptiness, a sort of sadness. I could not tolerate so much mysticism, so much blindness. I liked to study, but I had reached the point where I could no longer feel a solid base. I felt that the slow process of reasoning used to justify some pastoral and ecclesiastical structures, mysticism and obscurantism, was irrelevant, out of phase, and I was rejecting it more and more. Those people who did not share my views 345 COMMENTARIES & TESTIMONIALS OF RAELIANS - THE CONSECRATION OF My PRIESTHOOD