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were not. STEPPING ON HOLY TOES + 307 the order regarding their attitude about my research. They complied on both counts. The monastic review agreed she had indeed broken confidence, but it was for a "greater good." That is, it was done to "prevent mistakes from being made in the name of Buddhism." One could not be a proper Bud- dhist and consider psychedelics to play any part in it. There was little I could do. Holiness had won out over truth. This particular brand of Buddhism was no different from any other organiza- tion whose survival depended upon a uniformly accepted platform of ideas. Only they could determine what were permissible questions, and what Later I learned that the monastic community had elected Margaret head of the order. The two monks who had taken psychedelics years be- fore with my New Mexico friend also did well in the elections. One was elected abbot of the monastery, the other his chief assistant. So political ambitions also took on greater importance than a truthful dialogue. It was unlikely that the organization could admit and openly discuss that their three leading teachers were former LSD users, or that they had decided to enter a monastic life after drug-induced inspiration. Although I could see beyond the hypocrisy that motivated much of the monastery's repudiation of my work, it took its toll. Combined with the events and circumstances I described in the last chapter, my energy to continue with the research flagged considerably. After completing two long-distance research trips to Albuquerque, the extra pressure exerted by my spiritual community broke down the last remnant of my desire to continue. It was time to stop. I resigned from the university and returned the drugs and the last year's worth of grant money to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. I wrote closing summaries on all of the projects and sent copies to the boards and committees who had been working with me for the past seven years. The pharmacy weighed all our drugs, packed them up, and mailed them to a secure facility near Washington, D.C. The supplies of DMT, psilocy- bin, and LSD remain there to this day.