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270 * TAKING PAUSE to psychedelic mushrooms. We had this conversation toward the end of his double-blind low dose in the dose-response study. Stan said, "I've taken mushrooms two times since I've been in the study, and I've never been so high on psychedelics before. I had the expe- rience of going into and never coming out of the white light. Previously, I never felt the choice was mine to stay or come back. I saw how the white light is all there is, and that this world is just shadows and plays of light." "How about any positive emotional changes?" "The psychic channels may have been opened," he replied, "but the trips were mostly without content or insights. Maybe I'm a little more empathic, in tune, receptive. Ifthat's the case, it's very subtle. And it's not because of the DMT. Maybe if I looked at the last couple of months there have been some changes, but the DMT experiences themselves have not caused them directly." We followed up with Stan after he finished the tolerance study. He remained rather reticent about the impact of his DMT sessions: "Maybe my self-concept has been affected. Taking a ride like that can cause you to feel a little better about yourself. However, it can go both ways. There weren't any insights, however, neither spiritual or psycho- logical. It did have a cleansing effect, though, and it laid the foundation for some other things." I've described some of Aaron's experiences in chapter 12, "Unseen Worlds," and chapter 13, "Contact Through the Veil: 1." He received pla- cebo one day during the pindolol study and had a chance to reflect on DMTss effects on his life: "The long-term effects are very interesting. It leaves me in a different state. It's not altered, per se, but more open to synchronicity, magic, and unexpected opportunities." In the longer-term follow-up Aaron said, "DMT shook some things loose, as it was so shattering. I now find I have more control over my reality by letting go; it's a paradox. I've found that the DMT experience intensified verbal, visual, and musical abilities. Overall, DMT showed me another level or process I needed to see. Nothing I thought or felt made