Page Content (OCR)
268 * TAKING PAUSE We read about Sean's mystical experience during the tolerance study. On a day during the cyproheptadine study when he received placebo, we had time to talk about things other than his immediate response to DMT. He thought for a minute after I asked him about the overall effects of his research participation, then said, "It seems like you create your own world in a way. It's amazing what the mind can do." "Are you referring to your big experience during the tolerance project?" "Yes," he said. "I call it a mystical experience. I took my mother to church the other day. It was a ceremony having to do with Easter: Paul on the road to Damascus. He was blind for three days after he encountered Christ. I think that's what happened to me. But I don't know how it's really affected my life. I guess part of it was asking for permission each of the three times. Maybe a lot of that has been involved in my life changing. I can do more with my life now. I give myself permission to get involved in new experiences and then do so." Mike was a thirty-year-old graduate student whose sessions were enjoy- able but always a little anxiety-provoking. He wasn't sure if he remem- bered his entire first 0.4 mg/kg session, and he didn't like losing his bearings. He received placebo on the last day of the dose-response study, and I asked about what he had gotten out of his time with us. He replied, "I think about that sometimes. When I read now, I'm increasingly interested in fringe areas of my field. When I took LSD when I was younger, it opened my mind to other possibilities I wasn't otherwise aware of. DMT may have had some of that effect, too. Before the study, I was grinding away. Now I'm looking at other things. I can't think of any- thing else that would have nudged me in that direction." However, he was less enthusiastic two years later: "It was an experience of being poked and stuck and having my brain assaulted with chemicals—not a life-changing experience. Thoughts of the high dose might wander through my mind every month or two. I've not changed as a result, though. It only reminded me of taking drugs in my twenties, when I was more carefree and had lots of time on my hands."