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PAIN AND FEAR + 253 T haven't the slightest idea. It was as ifI were being punished. He looked directly at me and asked: Willfuture doses be this big? I don't think I could do this much again. Ken lay on the bed quietly, absorbing what had just happened to him. He didn't want to talk much, but answered the rating scale without too much difficulty. He was calmer and more composed after eating breakfast. I reentered Room 531 after completing my notes in his chart. He looked refreshed and was waiting for me before leaving the hospital. "How are you feeling now?" / don't think this is the drugfor me. Iprefer the mellowness of MDMA. This is too hard and intense. "That's fine. There are other big experiences in store for you in this study. It's a good idea to stop now." I continued to wonder about the content of his horrific encounter: "Do you have any idea why crocodiles came up for you?" Not really. I like reptiles; I used to own a pet iguana. He laughed, Maybe it's some sort of Egyptian past-life experience. We stayed in touch with Ken, although he soon left Albuquerque and moved to California. His reaction had been so traumatic that I was con- cerned he might have some permanent psychological damage. We wondered if perhaps he had been sexually molested as a child. He did not recall any such episodes, so this remains speculation. In a way, Ken's session scared him straight. His reptile rape had be- come a bad memory, one that he rarely thought about, but whose effects continued to ripple outward. He stopped taking any psychoactives, in- cluding MDMA, and cut back significantly on his marijuana use. He found work at an herb store and was living with his girlfriend. It could have been a lot worse for him. It's easy, with hindsight, to relate Ken's negative entity-contact expe- rience on a high dose of DMT to his habit offending off any dark, shadowy aspects of himself. His psychological defenses were just too weak to func- tion under the spirit molecule's powerful influence.