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"Why?" nr ng MYSTICAL STATES + 237 When I met Cleo in Room 531 the afternoon of her screening low dose, she was drawing tarot cards from her deck. The ones she picked were of butterflies and voyagers—optimistic themes. At 15 minutes after the injection, she commented, There was the lightestfeeling of a beckoning for me to follow some- thing. It was like a light on the horizon, like two roads merging with the horizon. There were some eyes looking at me, friendly. They wanted to see who was there, and seemed to say that I wouldfollow them later. The next morning Cleo asked about the advice I had given her the day before regarding how to prepare for her large dose: "What did you mean when you suggested I 'go through’ the colors?" I replied, "It seems like people can get entranced by the colors. If they can go through the curtain that the colors seem to represent, there often is more information and feeling than just the colors themselves." At 19 minutes after her high-dose DMT injection, it started snowing outside. I recalled Cleo's old phobia to snowflakes. Laura rose from her seat and turned up the thermostat. Rick, Ican see why you became a psychiatrist. To give this to people. I told her she was right. Thad the expectation that Iwould be going "out," but Iwent in, into every cell in my body. It was amazing. It wasn'tjust my body... themselves... themselves ...it's all connected. Oh, that's what I did. Okay. She laughed at her inarticulateness. By 30 minutes, she spoke more clearly: [felt the DMT go in and it burned in my vein. It was hard to breathe into it. Then the patterns began. I said to myself, "Let me go through you." At that point it opened, and I was very much somewhere else. I believe it was at that point that Iwent out, into the universe—being, dancing with, a star system. LT asked myself, "Why am I doing this to myself?" And then there was, "This is what you've always been searchingfor. This is what all ofyou has always been searching for."