Page Content (OCR)
206 * THE SESSIONS Rex lay very quietly for the first few minutes after the injection. I see in my notes the following comment after remarking upon how still he was: "Thank God." At 7 minutes, hives began forming on his neck. Laura pointed to the vial of antihistamine we had handy in case the hives became too severe or the allergic reaction spread to his lungs and he began to wheeze. He did have an overactive allergic system. As if sensing our concern, he reached out his left hand and Laura took it. At 10 minutes, Rex removed his eyeshades. He started, When Iwas first going under there were these insect creatures all around me. They were clearly trying to break through. Iwas fighting letting go of who Iam or was. The more I fought, the more demonic they became, probing into my psyche and being. I finally started letting go of parts of myself, as I could no longer keep so much ofme together. As I did, I still clung to the idea that all was God, and that God was love, and Iwas giving myselfup to God and God's love because Iwas certain Iwas dying. As laccepted my death and dissolution into Gods love, the insectoids began tofeed on my heart, devour- ing thefeelings oflove and surrender. It's not like LSD. Things really closed in around me, in comparison to the spaciousness that I feel with LSD. There was no feeling of space. Every- thing was in close. I've never seen anything like that. They were interested in emotion. As Iwas holding on to my last thought, that God equals love, they said, "Even here? Even here?" Isaid, "Yes, ofcourse." They were still there but Iwas making love to them at the same time. Theyfeasted as they made love to me. I don't know if they were male orfemale or something else, but it was extremely alien, though not necessarily unpleasant. The thought came to me with certainty that they were manipulating my DNA, changing its structure. And then it startedfading. They didn't want me to go. Remembering many previous stories, I said, "Yes, they are interested in us and our feelings. And, no, they don't want us to go." The sheer intensity was almost unbearable. The forms became increas- ingly sinister the more Ifought. I'm going to need therapy after this—sex with insects!