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vomited. CONTACT THROUGH THE VEIL: 2 + 205 His comment reminded me of a Tibetan meditation practice I had learned many summers before. The method was simply to ask yourself over and over again, "Is this what Iam?" With whatever answer you gave— "my body," "my job," "my relationships"—it was important to ask again, "Is this what I am?" My body, mind, identity, opinions, feelings, all began falling away. This meditation upset me so much that I ran outside and I wondered if something similar weren't occurring with Rex: "Sometimes nausea and vertigo can relate to something that you're not wanting to acknowledge, something deep but obvious. Is there any- thing important these days that you're trying not to think about?" "I broke up with my girlfriend about six weeks ago and I called her this morning. I'm not sure if it was a good idea to break up with her." Women. Relationships. Trust. "How about your marriage? What was that like?" "She was diagnosed a paranoid schizophrenic. She was horrible. She did terrible things to me." Time for a leap. I suggested, "So, there's a commitment fear in a way. Commitment means getting exploited by somebody who is totally crazy." "Yes." And he made the connection: "Also, I was afraid of the physi- cal reaction to the drug, that I was going to get sick and die from the allergic feeling that I had to it. I wondered if I was allergic to it, with that pressure in my chest and head." Steering back to his emotions, not his body's symbolic dealing with them, I pressed Rex, saying, "The commitment issue is important. A com- mitment to yourself and then the commitment to not having a self once that happens. I guess ultimately a commitment to a faith that you will be looked after, and not be abused when you're in need." We went on in this vein for a while. Within half an hour, Rex seemed much calmer, although I was feeling sick to my stomach and dizzy. That seemed a signal that he had expelled his fear, and it had landed in me. I told him we could probably start now. I walked briskly up and down the hall a few times, splashed my face with cold water in the bathroom, and felt relatively normal.