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173 complete. FEELING AND THINKING + There was a horrible sound outside the door, someone drilling in screws. I thought about how incredible it was that our volunteers could disregard all the chaos of a hospital ward and still have such profound experiences. Cassandra lifted the eyeshades but kept her eyes closed. Then she opened her eyes half-mast, gazing straight ahead. She looked up at the ceiling and began crying again. "What are you feeling?" Everything will be okay. I don't need to worry about all my doubts. Things like "Where will I go? What will Ido?" It's reassuring. "An optimistic feeling?" Yes, it's very refreshing. Itfeels like there are thousands and thousands of separate parts ofme and this drug brings them all together. Itfeels very "You said you felt loved." It was afeeling in my chest. It was warm. My whole chestfelt inflated. It was a really good feeling. I was loved by the entities or whatever they are. It was very pleasant and comforting. Cassandra and I spoke a few weeks later by phone. She said, "There have been profound physical changes, very benefi- cial ones. It feels as if 1 got my stomach back. Now for the first time in years I'm able to breathe deep into my stomach. I'm more optimistic. That's wom off a little bit by now, but not extremely. I can remember the opti- mism in meditation. It's like having the deepest possible tissue massage. On the third trip I was really able to let go. I guess I was hurt in there when I was raped. That's where I hide things and protect myself, con- stantly clenching them. Years of keeping those feelings tightly kept in my abdomen. I feel a lot freer. "DMT is far better than any therapy ever was for me. All therapy reminds me of is how bad things were and are. On DMT I saw and felt myself as a good person, as loved by the DMT elves." T asked, "Elves?" "There was a sense of many visitors. They were jovial, and they had a