Page Content (OCR)
169 FEELING AND THINKING + I include Cassandra's story here although it could also belong in the entity contact or mystical experience chapters. Her sessions did include interactions with the "clowns" and led to a deep serene peace she had never previously known. However, the beings' primary effect was to make her feel loved and happy, and the mystical resolution to her conflicts came only after a painful psychological process. Cassandra's sessions were, like many of the ones I will present, hybrids of more than one type. In addition, it felt as if I were doing psychotherapy with Cassandra, rather than spiritual counseling or interpreting "transdimensional" phe- nomena. So placement into the feeling-thinking, personal category of experiences relates to the type of response her session evoked in me as much as in her. She had few stated expectations of her participation in our studies: "I want to see what DMT feels like." Also, she requested we not ask her a lot of questions, "so I could simply enjoy the effects." We were not so offhanded in considering Cassandra's ability to man- age high doses of DMT. We knew she could be volatile, and that it was important to be especially careful to avoid making her feel we were forcing anything on her. We didn't want to replay any rape themes in Room 531. Cassandra's screening low dose of DMT was mild and pleasant. We met the next day for her non-blind, 0.4 mg/kg high dose. As she began coming down, she said, Something took my hand and yanked me. It seemed to say, "Let's go!" Then I started flying through an intense circus-like environment. I've never been that out-of-body before. First there was an itchy feeling where the drug went in. We went through a maze at an incredibly fast pace. I say "we" because it seemed like I was accompanied. It was cool. There was a crazy circus sideshow—-just extravagant. It's hard to describe. They looked like Jokers. They were almost performing for me. They werefunny looking, bells on their hats, big noses. However, I had the feeling they could turn on me, a little less than completelyfriendly.