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89-001 * 91 to much. However, I did learn that the FDA was a large and rather conser- vative organization. They had to be. This was made clear to me during an informal conversation with Dr. L., the director of the FDA division respon- sible for reviewing my MDMA proposal. Dr. L. and I were attending a scientific meeting in 1987. We happened to be standing near each other during a coffee break. Introducing myself, I asked him if he would consider allowing me to study MDMA in the termi- nally ill, since he had concerns about long-term brain damage in normal volunteers. In what now seems a somewhat cavalier and callous manner, I told him that these issues wouldn't be as much ofa problem in those with a six-month life expectancy. In addition, I added gamely, it would be an opening into some psychotherapy work with the terminally ill. Dr. L. replied matter-of-factly, "Even the terminally ill have rights, and you don't want to waste their death. And besides, sometimes the di- agnosis of terminal is wrong." He wrote me later to reaffirm his opposition to any MDMA studies involving dying patients. Years later, halfway through the DMT study, the FDA sent me a letter asking if I'd like to cancel the request for an MDMA permit. It seemed like a good idea, so I agreed. As my melatonin project began revealing the unmistakably timid psycho- logical effects of this pineal hormone, I decided to visit a close friend and colleague, one whose opinions I valued regarding these matters. Sitting up in the loft of his northern California home in August 1988, we spent a day sorting through a wide range of approaches with which to frame a human psychedelic research project. By sunset, we arrived at two rela- tively simple but solid conclusions. First, DMT clearly was the drug to study. It was incredibly interest- ing, and we all had some circulating in our bodies. Second, any psychedelic research project must not conflict with, and in fact must be consistent with, the current concerns about drug abuse. The U.S. government was spending billions of dollars contending with the problems associated with out-of-control substance use. Surely some of that money could fund a human DMT study. Rather than fighting against the government by trying