Chasing Phantoms - Carissa Conti-pages

Page 187 of 241

Page 187 of 241
Chasing Phantoms - Carissa Conti-pages

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177 happened in 2002. I'll reprint the incident from my log book. Excuse the language, but, this is exactly what went through my mind, and there’s no way to censor that in order to appease sensitive types and yet still accurately represent what happened. If anything, the cussing and the attitude is the exact point I’m trying to make here, as you'll see: I was standing at the printer [at work] waiting for my stuff to come off and I was staring out the window at the blue sky and the sunny day and the trees. Happened to direct my attention back inside around the office itself. Next thing I know, I temporarily “woke up.” Either that, or some sort of program kicked in prematurely that wasn’t supposed to. I felt like I emerged from a zombie-like state of trance tolerance, where normally I walk around in an amnesia-like state, tolerating having to work and pay bills and come to this place called C Management, day in and day out, and be with these people, doing the job that I do, putting up with the crap I do. All that changed. The amnesia lifted, and I had this realization about WHO I AM. And I was looking around the office thinking, “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE??!21!2” It wasn’t like I couldn’t remember who I was, or where I was, or why I was there. It was quite the opposite, in fact. I knew EXACTLY who I was, and I was like, oh my GOD.....what the FUCK am I doing HERE?!!?!? Like, we’re It’s not like I didn’t recognize the place. I knew it wasC___. I knew it was my work. I just couldn’t believe that I was willingly coming here every day wasting 8 hours of my life, every day, HERE. At THIS place. It was almost like, “Oh, while you were sleeping, this is what you've been doing with yourself.....”. That whole, “While you were sleeping” deal. And when I realized what I’d been doing with myself, I was shocked and appalled and horrified. Like, we’re And then I slipped back under the water, and the feeling was gone. All I had left was the intellectual knowing/memory that it had happened, but the mindset itself, that personality, was gone.” Part III - Expanded Insights —_—_—_—_—— ee *e Then there was another REALLY anomalous incident that November 4, 2002