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46 modeling career lifestyle. I'd started as a house model and runway model for a designer and that’s where I learned about Dexedrine and then scotch. I was still only 19 and fairly slim but I was warned that I had to be stick thin for the job so I learned to have my J&B scotch to get to sleep every night. When I left the missionary house I left a whole chest of drawers filled with empty scotch bottles. I had become accustomed to the idea that that was the only way I could get to sleep after taking speed. All the models had to take speed to stay thin, then they had to take something to allow them to sleep. I chose scotch. I’ve always felt really lucky that I didn’t get hooked on any of those things I learned about. When I left New York I left all that behind. My career as a model was turning out to be just as glamorous as I’d hoped it would be. I was usually ferried to my job in a black stretch limousine. A year passed. I was twenty and excited and happy with my life. I was working in a sought-after field and my job seemed thrilling and exciting. I was where I’d always wanted to be, New York City. One evening I walked into the residence to receive a telegram that told me my father was dead in Tulsa. I took the next plane home. When my Mother invited me to stay in Tulsa to help her through her period of grief I accepted her invitation. I’d loved my Father more than life itself and I too, was grieving. In the weeks after the funeral I put aside my mourning and felt my eagerness for life returning. Coming back to Tulsa was sad because of my father’s death, but being in Tulsa was thrilling to me. Life seemed better here in Oklahoma, somehow. One evening I borrowed my Mother’s car and drove to a small house in the artier, more bohemian section of Tulsa. Ano 1 1 e 4 1 ro. yom At the back gate of a small bungalow, I stood silently peering into the lighted window of the tiny house. A man Barbara Bartholic as told to Peggy Fielding